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Category: Friendship
Message: I shave my legs, I sit down to pee. And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon. I can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook, I can pump my own gas. Can talk to my friends, about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles, at any cost. And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.
I never forget, an important date. You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies, with lots of gore. Don't need instant replay, to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch. And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her. In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay, But jewelry's best. Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest????
I don't have a problem, With Expressing my feelings. I know when you're lying, You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL , a BABE or a CHICK . I am a WOMAN. Get it?, you DICK!?!
Submitted By: HaCkErS

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Fat Joke Away Messages

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Your momma's so fat she has to use the ocean as her toilet!
  • Currently 1.60/5
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1.6/5 (517 votes)

Submitted by: 
One day a woman asked her daughter to go get some jellyrolls. The girl went to the bakery and ordered all of the jellyrolls that the bakery had. Then she stuffed them all in her mouth and swallowed. When she got home her mom asked where the jellyrolls were. The girl lifts up her shirt and says here, these are the jelly rolls.
  • Currently 2.10/5
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2.1/5 (417 votes)

Submitted by: SeXy LeZ
Your momma is so fat that when she sweats she can be used as a steam roller.
  • Currently 2.64/5
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2.6/5 (233 votes)

Submitted by: me
Can Fat people go skinny dipping??
  • Currently 2.81/5
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2.8/5 (347 votes)

Submitted by: Marar
Only in America are "poor" people fat.
  • Currently 2.97/5
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3.0/5 (317 votes)

Submitted by: Jimbo Bob
Yo mamas so fat that at the circus she nicknamed the elephant pee wee.
  • Currently 3.02/5
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3.0/5 (312 votes)

Submitted by: Tilliam
Your momma's so fat that when she fell in the forest, the loggers said "TIMBER"!
  • Currently 3.00/5
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3.0/5 (305 votes)

Submitted by: calvarychikAG
I would probably cry too, if I had a stomach the size of the ocean blue!
  • Currently 3.12/5
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3.1/5 (302 votes)

Submitted by: sexayxorangexlvr
Never under estimate fat people in large groups
  • Currently 3.26/5
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3.3/5 (333 votes)

Submitted by: KingOfDrama8705
Dear Lord,
If you can't make me SKINNY, Please make my friends FAT!
  • Currently 3.33/5
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3.3/5 (365 votes)

Submitted by: threeamigas4312
Yo mamas so fat that when she stepped on a scale it read one at a time please.
  • Currently 3.42/5
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3.4/5 (451 votes)

Submitted by: Tilliam
Hey!! they made a song about your weight 8675309
  • Currently 3.55/5
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3.5/5 (564 votes)

Submitted by: Sloth

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